nostalgia

Nostalgia has always been so intriguing to me. It’s by far one of my favorite words. I think this is because it describes that which cannot be described.

As Dwight Schrute once said, “Nostalgia is truly one of the great human weaknesses, second only to the neck.”

It is defined as “the state of being homesick” or “a wistful or excessively sentimental yearning for return to or of some past period of irrecoverable condition.”

One of the books I am currently reading is “this one wild and precious life” by Sarah Wilson. I am not far in, but the majority of the discussion so far has been about the loneliness epidemic that we are facing in this world on multiple levels. We are facing the loneliness due to a lack of meaningful connection with other people, along with the loneliness due to lack of connection with ourselves.

She tells this story about this lady she was observing while doing research for the book. While sitting outside at a coffee shop, she notices this lady doing the same. As she watches her, she realizes this lady is doing nothing. Absolutely nothing. Not scrolling. Not texting. Not even reading a book. She is just living, being present and alive. And, she is not sad either, she is perfectly, contently happy.

Eventually Sarah goes to ask this lady, “What are you doing?”

She responds by saying, “On special days, I like to sit and think nothing.” Hmm, what a thought. Sarah goes on to explain how she took a picture of this woman and posted it on her social media, only to find that a large majority of people responded negatively to it. The reason for this was jealousy of the fact that she is not distracted at all by the millions of pulls we face in this world.

This is where nostalgia comes in. In seeing her photo, many of those people were nostalgic for a time where this was possible. “Irrecoverable condition…”

So, I decided that maybe I should sit and do nothing for 45 minutes. I went out on the porch with a blanket and my water. I also had my phone and brought my bag of books, computer, and notebooks, but I refused to let myself touch them during that 45 minutes. I set a timer on my Apple Watch, put my phone down, and tried to become fully present.

I had the urge to touch my phone within 2 minutes because I wanted to text my brother something. I thought, “Wow, Caitlin, that is pathetic.” I forged forward.

At first, my mind bombarded me with questions. “What are your plans for next year? What is your plan for your life? I wonder what Grant (my brother) is doing this weekend? What time should I get up tomorrow? Ugh, I just don’t know what to do next year for my living situation, etc.”

These thoughts went on and on. Finally, I tired myself out, and I began to spend some time in prayer. That was difficult as well, as my mind wanted to (and did) wander. Finally, I began to become completely present. I noticed how the deep green trees contrasted the bright blue sky. I followed the birds around in their shenanigans, wondering what they were saying to each other and what exactly they were doing. I closed my eyes and let the sun hit my face. I noticed the bare trees and began anticipating their budding leaves and flowers soon. I was in perfect stillness, and my breath slowed and became deeper. For the first time in a while, I felt calm and content.

I think this practice will be one that I adopt. Whether I can afford 45 minutes or 15, I am realizing the importance of simply doing nothing and enjoying where I am at. I can only hope that this practice will come to cause me to become more present and aware of all the beautiful things around me when I am not doing nothing. I can only hope that that the practice of simply doing nothing will lead to a calmer, healthier, and happier mind.

Because that is definitely a time I am nostalgic for lately.

love always, caitlin